自源自语

Being in this current posting, I see death almost everyday, or more accurately, I see people dying in front of me everyday. They usually become unresponsive first, vitals might be haywire, but they are not dead yet. and when you try to intervene, they might improve or they might just continue to deteriorate, and dying in front of you. heart rate from fast now is slow, very slow, then no heart rate on monitor...These kind of patients, some might come back from dying, some just die. This kind of death is commonly seen and you will kind of get numb of it later on. There is another type of dying, which i see today. 14 y.o girl, separated parents, staying with grandmother only, ingested paraquat (?claimed accidental ingestion), and we cant do anything for her except to inform her and her family that she is dying slowly... she is still vy well actually, but now kidney is failing, slowly, the lung will be damaged, she will have difficulty in breathing, full blown kidney failure, and eventuall...

返璞归真，可以这么说吧。 前几天去了Mabul Island， 难得远离烦嚣，亲近大自然。吸收阳光，空气，投入大海的怀抱。把身上的负离子，统统赶走，吸收大自然的正离子，哈哈。 遗憾的是，没能去到真正的Sipadan, 虽然那么靠近了。还有，应该早点去考Diving 的！ 回来，发现streamyx 被cut 掉了 （死鬼TM Net! 天天不寄帐单来，地址改了还是一样， 不是我不要还，你没帐单来，我怎么还？！） 所以，我来个返璞归真， 从温以前大学时，在自己电脑打了部落格，等有的上网时，再上载。 整个weekend,都没的上网，或者是Facebook。 但还是生存了下来。有时候，真的需要把自己归零，回到原始的自己。 很多东西，太过依赖，变成一种瘾，慢慢的吞噬着我们这些都会人。 没能上网，就把电脑里的歌，全播一遍。发现以前录下来的几首歌，回味着以前在唱那些歌的时候。 多久没唱k了？我好想唱！ 就要开始新的posting, medical. 怎么会有点紧张呢？都6th posting 了。可能是之前ortho 真的太过闲空， 脑都生锈了。现在要warm up, 有点像读书时，放假后要开始新Semester的感觉。期待， 又有点不安。 不安，正是我现阶段的心情写照。 期待忙碌的工作，可以充实充实自己。 归零后，充好电，我整装待发。。。

今年新年同学会的请柬 其实计划应该是在一月就做了吧？不过还可以在年还没过完做吧。 结束2010年，开始了2011。 回顾去年，erm, 从哪开始呢？ pead 吧，去年过年也在pead 那四个月是最开心的，虽然累，但我觉得充实。好的伙伴一起工作， 是最享受的事吧！ 看到他们这么可爱的脸，怎能不开心呢？ eop pead 我们去了padas white water rafting. 好玩，不过没翻船，小小遗憾。 翻回照片，才发现，也去了kudat o n g, 算了，别提。哈哈，你看我多讨厌这个posting :) 应该不只我罢了。 eop o n g , 去了台湾，花了不少钱。但是却爱上了台湾，这个五月我又要去啦，台湾 here we come! 这次的飞机票，便宜多了，酱可以有多点钱来雪拼拉 怎么会在台湾剪了个酱的头出来？！ a n e, erm, 算蛮无聊的，除了那个人见人恨的哑狗。 除掉他，整个posting 还算不错。好不热闹的一个posting, 好像是HO gathering 的感觉。很多之前不很熟的， 都玩在一起。 a n e eop, 哈哈，有朋自远方来，不亦乐乎。 我们去爬了gunung Kinabalu, 美不胜收的风景，最重要的是，一起爬山的好同伴们 这个trip 把几个我要做的事情， tick 了起来。 在kundasang 过夜 ticked 爬神山, 到山峰哦！ ticked island hopping ticked 虽然有点失望。。。但是那是一定要做的是喔，so called haha, pulau redang & perhentian 美多咯！ ortho, 我讨厌的程度，仅次于 o&g, 因为讨厌无所事事，不systematic 的部门，还有，那么多HO, 很难做事，但现在还要继续suffer 在这里，希望剩下的时间，安全度过就好。 唯一好处，可以拿较多leave for CNY lor 新年，回到家 每次回家，都会被逼看到/听到我不想看/听的东西。 为什么，要制造更多问题？ 长大了，不是应该学会照顾自己，照顾身边的人吗？ 怎么，反过来了呢？ 可以不管吗？我怎么管？可是，大家都expect 我来clean up the mess 烦死人 见到好久不见的同学朋友们，大家还是老样子， I mean mentally,...

啊！！！！！！ 快爆炸了。最近的生活，工作都让我快爆炸了！ 工作量少，但是，相反地，却让我越不开心。 是个需要外在压力让我表现更好的人，在这样的环境下，可说是折磨呀。 讨厌偷懒，天天吃蛇的人。 但是，未免在‘耳濡目染’之下，自己也有了蛇的样子。 所以，越发讨厌自己？！ 顶不顺堕落的自己，却随波逐流, 无法自拔 俗话说：不能改变环境，就改变自己的心态。 当你太过闲空时，就会想很多，无谓的，多余的，不可能的，发梦的... 所谓理想，梦想，真的只能想想而已吗？ 还是，看你敢不敢梦？！ 在书展，买了很多本书，试着填补空白时间 几米的 又寂寞又美好 画出了寂寞 但是美好在那里？ 毛毛兔，这个下午真好玩。至少，有毛毛兔陪你玩。。。 my sister keeper, 触动人心的叙述方式。故事很引人入胜，还在努力啃着。。。每个人，背后都有他的故事，造就了现在的他。。。 狂人日记，根本是schizophrenia with paranoid delusion 。还有阿Q，现在才真正认识他。才发现，我并不想做阿Q叻！什么啊Q精神啦？是啊Q 神经吧？！ 拼命的游泳，希望自由式可以进步点。都游了几年了，还是裹足不前。 Picture speaks a thousand words...

Past 1 month was a crazy roller coaster for me, luckily I survive the ride and landed safe. Once bitten, twice shy. That's all I can say. Moving on the new environment, initially had a culture shock due to the level of joblessness. Unconciouslly becoming lazier... spending those free time with crazy friends, makes us all crazy. Doing stupid things, talking nonsense, Ironically, I am scared of this joblessness and laziness (e.g. 1.A friend was doing non stop voluntary burping in POP room, 1. snapping photos of a person with calcified brain ) we r really 'shot' already! Need motivations, which is kinda difficult in this kind of environment Too much of anything is not good, especially joblessness Joblessness really can make you go CRAZY :)

Leave Right Now Lyricsby Will Young [Verse 1] I'm here just like I said Though its breaking every rule I've ever made My racing heart is just the same Why make it strong to break it once again? And I'd love to say I do Give everything to you But I can never now be true So I say... [Chorus]I think I'd better leave right now Before I fall any deeper I think I'd better leave right now Feeling weaker and weaker Somebody better show me how Before I fall any deeper I think I'd better leave right now [Verse 2]I'm here so please explain Why you're opening up a healing wound again I'm a little more careful Perhaps it shows But if I lose the highs, at least I'm spared the lows Bridge Now I tremble in your arms What could be the harm To feel my spirit calm So I say.. [Repeat Chorus] [Middle 8]I wouldn't know how to say How good it feels seeing you today I see you've got your smile back Like you say your right on track But you may never know why Once...