自源自语

weekend is very precious weekend is the only time to do things slowly, sleep, eat, clean up my messy room, my messy car, and also the messy dirty house which I live in Have a pause and just chill out watching new season of Project Runway downloading shows to store for next few days blogging, haha I love weekend : )

来了沙巴两个月，第二次生病。 第一次，才下飞机，就病了。 第二次，跟第一次一样，urti, with No fever, weird.... 两个月了，我已经作HO做了两个月。 回想起开始，真的觉得撑不过。 回头看，surgery 已经过了一半。（可是，logbook还空得很呢） 我不喜欢当医生，但是，这世上，有多少人是在享受自己的工作的呢？ 梦想与现实，是差很远的。单纯的人，是要出了社会才会知道，现实是残忍的。 我想，就算过了两年HO, 我也不会呆在clinical. 还有4天，要考试。现在才甘愿拿起书来读。 我还是一样懒惰。 改变了的只是，早睡，早起。 其实，我也amazed by myself。 连拜六，礼拜，我都起来去上班。没有一天例外。 工作，只是人们为了赚钱，而作的义务。 因为，没工作，等于，没钱，等于，没饭吃！ 我病了，不能像以前一样，借故不去上课。 我病了，但是我还要去上班。好sad.

It feels so good to be home again. Even though I have been away from home just 1 month plus, it feels like years!!!Really. Working life sucks and now I realise it is not easy to be an adult , earning money, paying rents, paying bills.... To earn money for living, you must work for it. Working is not easy at all, with it comes responsibilities.....what all of us don't like coming back home this time is really crucial for me. I need the time to rest, and to get away from work, and all the other things... I can sleep as long as I want to, need not to bother about the phone ringing in the middle of the night (finally can turn off phone to sleep, believe it or not, as a dr, they expect you to on ur phone 24/7) Manage to sleep more than 15 hours last night (believe me, that 15 hours is still not enough to compensate my sleep deprivation for the past 1 and half month), I feel so so so happy to do so!!!!!!No need to force myself to sleep early at night and no need to wake up 530 in the mo...

I start thinking of this question since starting work. Working as a doctor seems nice, making good money and respected by the society. Personally, I don't enjoy being called a doctor. I really dont care about the Dr in front of my name. Feeling weird walking in the hospital hallway, and strangers greeting me: good morning doctor! maybe I still feel not qualified as a doctor,or I never thought of myself as a doctor?! When I was a student, Just going with the flow, no need to think what you wanna do. (Thought of studying design/art, but no money) What I wanna achieve in my life, is not people looking at me and think I am succesful because I am a doctor, or being able to save patient's life, curing one's sickness..... Thinking back, what makes me happy in life is actually creating beautiful things. I love the time spent on my own, doing things on my own pace, and finally coming out with something which is nice, it can be a card, a drawing.... I miss those days in school tim...