自源自语

we woke up early morning to go Jabatan Negeri Sabah to lapor diri. It was a busy day, running here and there, filling up forms, and more forms.... after that, we went looking for houses for rent. then, went back to hospital to have briefing to claim money, (really need money!!!I am so poor now) At night, we went to a friend' aunty's house for dinner, so nice to have a good meal, delicious. Right after dinner, we went to inspect for the 2nd house, Love the 2nd house so much, because it is a huge house, with plenty of space at the front door for parking (can park up to 4 cars, mabe 5 if all small car). the rooms are also giant, the smallest room is actually the size of my home's living room, imagine that!!!! we decided to rent the house on the spot. Actually, I prefer to have a single room for my own. People usually can't stand my sleeping pattern, especially the alarm clock part...Zzzz Tomorrow I expect the department of surgery will ask me to work staright away, but I j...

the only photo with me inside, though hardly can see my face, but still wanna put here today very tired, long hours of journey from home-temerloh-kl-klia-sabah, it took me almost 10 hours to reach sabah. I leave home around 2pm, by the time I am at sabah, is already 11pm. No energy to write today......tomorrow start working liao, keeping my finger crossed for everything to go smoothly, pray hard!

last 2 weeks was fun and I can blog everyday, now that I am in BTN, there is no time for sleep!!!! but, I stil manage to steal some time to blog, kekeke so sad, cannot go online for the next 4 days.... after that fly to sabah liao lor hope the journey from melaka-temerloh-triang, then from triang-kuala lumpur-KLIA will be fine.... the journey sounds tiring....but what to dO???? Ceramah is starting, I have to offline liao

刚刚在酒店吃完晚餐，就乘电梯上楼。 电梯打开后，还差点撞到一群马来女生。他们正跑着去搭电梯。 我走到房门，发现钥匙在roommate那里，就又冲回电梯，要下出跟roommate 拿钥匙。 那班马来女生还在那里等电梯。 在他们还没看到我前，我听到其中一个女生说的最后一个字是：handsomenya.... 他们看到我后，就很害羞地，突然的静了下来。 我也装作若无其事的，跟他们搭同一个电梯下去。 其实，内心是爽得很的。。。哈哈！ 很少听到人家称赞自己帅，自己也不觉得自己帅。 其实外在不重要，（骗人的，在这个时代，外在是满重要的）但是，自信更重要！

There is only 6 hour left before induksi exam, and I am still online'ing, because I can't sleep. Many things running through my head, thinking of the exam, thinking of the life as a houseman, how to survive housemanship, how to get enough sleep (I counted, MAXIMUM 5 hours of sleep per day, how????sad!!!!), and no off day, even weekend we are expected to work like hell!!!!!!!!! I will have no time for facebaook, blog, download shows, watching show..... Frankly, I never knew about this side of a doctor until now (many seniors mentioned medicine is hard and tried to talk us to quit when we were in 1st year, but, the reality is much worse than word can describe. Not to mention to go through the whole process!!!!Even harder!!!!) If I could turn back to clock, will never in a million years put medicine as my choice. When I put medicine in my choice, I was not hoping to get it, because everyone was telling how hard is it to get into medicine, because you need more than a good result....

I just realise I have been blogging everyday since this induksi starts. Having no time to sleep and study, I still can find time or sacrifce time to blog, I am impressed by myself!!!! It is 1:41am and I just can't go to bed to sleep before I update my blog. Blogging has become one of the must-list for me, maybe is an excuse to go online?! Find it very fun to blog, I can write everything I want randomly. Seeing a comment is just exciting... Tomorrow I have to wake up 715am to attend class, which means I only have 5 hours of sleep, not enough for me, but what to do? There is even less time to sleep after working as a houseman!!! Hope tomorrow will be a effective study day, for tomorrow is the last day before induksi exam! Enjoy the life to study now, because, there will be no life after working!!!! Gambate!!!!!! Hope everyone passes the induksi exam. Horray!!!!! Time to sleep, really sleeepy!!!!

now is 12:56 and I am still awake to study the power point of those boring ceramah !!! the content is so so dry that I keep falling asleep in between. Exam is next 2 day, and I have more than 10 topics to cover. The exam has objective and essay part, each for 2 hours. If we fail (touch wood), we have to reseat the exam. If not, we will not be able to get a naik pangkat and naik gaji after 2 years of Housmanship . I cannot fail, there is no room for that to happend !!! Naik gaji is so important!!!! Must study hard, but, really sucky ler !!!!! sob sob : (

Smoky Mountain Memories You oughta go north somebody told us Cause the air is filled with gold dust And fortune falls like snow flakes in your hands Now I don't recall who said it But we lived so long on credit So we headed out to find our promised land Just poor Smokey Mountain farm folk With nothing more than high hopes As we hitched our station wagon to a star But our dreams all fell in on us Cause there was no land of promise And this stuggle keepin' sight of who you are Oh and these northern nights are dreary And my southern heart is weary As I wonder how the old folks are back home But I know that they all love me And I know they're thinking of me Smokey Mountain memories keep me strong You know I've been thinkin' a whole lot lately 'Bout what's been and what awaits me It takes all I've got to give what life demands You'll go insane if you give in to it Life's a mill and I've been through it I'm just thankful I'm creative with...

好多东西要考虑，带或不带？ 想了好多，pros and cons.... 还是不懂那个决定好。 要在下个星期前，决定！！！！

或许是要开工了，或许是要去沙巴了，好多感触, 上一篇写好多东西哦！！！！ 因为，开始工作，就会是另一个人生阶段。开始赚钱，养家，做一个‘大人‘做的事。选择去沙巴，是一个很大的决定，我想了好久。就算到现在，还是有点不确定，睡前，还会在想，‘留在半岛是否会好一点？’ 现在要烦怎样运车过去，不只麻烦，还要很多钱，家人知道这些，就说：为什么选酱远，在temerloh, kl , 不就省了这些钱/麻烦？！听就了，也会想，他们说得也对。 但是，我还是要去sabah, 自己做的决定嘛！ 不能像以前那样。 好多坏习惯要改。 现在，是期待，又有点害怕。 还没settle lapor diri的东西，还有车，住宿。。。 写得好困，要睡觉了。

今天，刚刚知道houseman 的hospital. 如我所愿，拿到了sabah, Kota Kinabalu. 开心了一阵子。打了电话给家里人。他们一路以来都不赞成我去sabah, 但我就是这样，作我想做的事情，心想，你们懂什么？！又不是你们要去做工？ 他们想我在靠近家的地方，其实，我就想离家远一点。不想呆在pahang, 又厌倦了kl 的生活。Sabah 是个好地方，较多机会可以学到很多东西。我不想一开始做工就呆在pahang,尤其是temerloh, 没有娱乐，好显的。 趁年轻，去看看外面的世界，而且，以后mo回来也更容易。 我也想跟你们将这些，但是。。。 是我，我没办法跟你们沟通。。。我也没有想办法跟你们沟通。。。 我应该学会包容，像你们包容我。 我像硬了翅膀的小鸟，学会飞了，就不顾一切的飞向外面的万里晴空。 当我回头看时，才发现，我离家越来越远。 远到我看不见了。 很多时候，我以为是家离我越来越远， 但是，它一直都在那里，是我的心飞了出去，不想回来。 让我任性多两年，sabah 后，我会回来。 硬了翅膀的小鸟，会回到属于他的巢。 是时候改一改自己的个性，尤其是对家里人。 我会努力的。 。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。 真的要去sabah了，希望我们四个人可以一起去啦，酱比较爽。 好高兴可以开工赚钱了！

reach k. terenganu at 430pm, phew, lucky I managed to get here before 5 pm (check in only from 230-5pm).Damn the bus, got delay for 1 and a half hour!!! After resting for just 30 minutes, the introduction starts! Ceramah lor , boring....but informative also la I know that if I get Sabah , then I will only have maximum 2-3 days to lapor diri to hospital and the jabatan kesihatan negeri as well. (actually, have to go jabatan kesihatan negeri 1st) 2 days, how short is that time? to prepare everything and fly from pahang to sabah !!! I come k. terenganu with the newly bought 30 inch huge luggage, which only cost me Rm 100. worthy. It is so giant that I can fit myself into the suitcase!!! hehe Crossing my fingers that I do get the hospital that I want. My brother called and questioned me about my sabah choice. wondering what the hell I was thinking to choose the furthest place in Malaysia! the answer: I just can't stay so near home... sigh!!!!

好想快点开工，赚自己的钱。 被烦得不耐烦了，什么都要过问，烦死了。 我不懂怎样跟你解释，讲了你也不懂！！！！ 啊！！！！！！！！！！